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‘Bee’ Strong

Monday, May 13th, 2013 by

“That’s a honeyball! Lester’s throwing honeyballs! Follow me on Twitter. WOW.”

BOSTON – Not everyone in attendance at Fenway Park was enamored with Jon Lester’s majestic performance during Friday night’s 5-0 victory against the Toronto Blue Jays. Dick Hoohirst had a hunch as early as the 2nd inning that Lester’s stuff was not quite as legitimate as it should be, and fired out the first of a series of tweets (@Goosefart) that would ultimately cast dispersions over the dominant one-hit outing by the Boston lefty.

“Sure I just saw Lester dip into a pot of honey between pitches,” the former part-time pitcher turned broadcaster said via Twitter, “he’s lathered up in the stuff. WOW.”

Hoohirst, the author of the best-selling book ‘Pitching from behind the Grassy Knoll’, shared further insight during the 4th inning when he tweeted “That’s a honeyball! Lester’s throwing honeyballs! Follow me on Twitter. WOW.”

Hoohirst went on to illustrate his point by tweeting a magnified shot of the Fenway Park mound, and claimed the illicit substance he referred to was clearly visible beside the MLB legislated rosin bag.

“You mix honey and rosin together, you could glue a man to the moon. Buy my book. WOW.”

When questioned post-game about the validity of Hoohirst’s allegations, Red Sox manager John Farrell dismissed the claims as “utter pish” and made reference to the former pitcher’s recent assertions that he would have won 200 games if not for an untimely alien abduction during his spell in the San Diego farm system. “The kid’s got a great imagination, that’s for sure” the Red Sox skipper said with a smile.

This latest allegation of skullduggery on the part of Red Sox pitching staff comes hot on the heels of a similar claim made several days ago in Toronto, where the integrity of Clay Buchholz came under scrutiny by Hoohirst and his Blue Jays broadcast partner Chuck Morris. On that particular occasion it was a perfectly legal streak of rosin smeared on the arm of Buchholz that drew the ire of the Rogers Centre booth.

When asked prior to Saturday’s game about the relationship between him and Buchholz in light of those highly publicized and critical observations, Morris said “I talked to him and we’re cool, like cucumber cool, like Fonzy cool, like Kool and the Gang cool.”

In a press release issued via his publisher on Sunday, Dick Hoohirst maintained the legitimacy of his claim that the Red Sox pitching staff acted in a nefarious and unsportsmanlike manner through the use of banned substances, but expressed a concern that the media circus spawned by his controversial comments would negatively affect sales of his forthcoming book ‘Real men don’t wear sunscreen’.

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